It many ways I guess I am glad no one is ready my posts. I know they sound like a poor me writings but they are not. I do not feel sorry for myself as the old saying goes "You made your bed, now you lay in it". I just found out my husband is trying to sleep with his best friend's wife. It is not the first or second time he has crossed this line and I know it will not be the last. I have asked him many times to leave as I just wish to do this peacefully and not cause a huge blowout in front of our son. I hate him and no I do not wish to stay with him. I don't have the money to just pick up and leave so it would make it more easy for him to leave. I guess it is boiling down to the fact that I have to take legal action now and have to get a warrent for him to be forced to leave. I have no desire to find another man as this was my second marriage and like the first it did not work. I guess in the end I was just meant to take care of my children and live my life as God want's it. I am not sure what God wants but I guess I am going to find out. I need the strength to get through this and I am not sure where to find it. I am tried to be honest and right now I want to cry, scream and just throw things like a two year old. I am not going to give into it though I have to be strong and find this somewhere within me. I am working to jobs to better things and I feel as if I am doing it one day at a time. There is a lot to work on within myself as well as things around me. The thing of it is I am not a patience person and learning patiences is hard for me. I can plan things out but I want to get to the end goal right away and that is not how life works. I get that for the most part. This wind is howling outside my window as if it is doing the screaming for me. I feel better as I write this and the red angry I felt when starting this is going away. But the pain is not. I have always stated if you want out, go I wont hold you back. I am not a clinging person and I want people to be happy. If you feel the need to cheat that means you are not happy and I don't want someone who is not happy to be with me. I also am not going to allow you to have your cake and eat it too. Life is like lemons but my lemonda is not that sweet I guess. I just have to keep trying but in a different way. Snow should be coming soon and I welcome it right now. I need the peace that watching it fall can give you. It relaxes me as if it is taking away the pain covering my hurt soul. Does anyone care? Laura