Looking Things Over

When I go back and read what I wrote, I can see where I am really depressed and when other days are not so bad. Today I feel okay, I am smiling and doing just fine. I think about events and realize that I can't let those events run my life. I feel their pain as if it were my own but I have to realize it is not my pain. It is just hard not to feel for others. I feel their pain and I want so much to take it away, to make them happy once more. In the long run I am making myself more unhappy by this. I hate the thought of families hurting over a loved one gone or just not with them for what ever reason. Okay so let's talk about happier things. Here in Ohio it is very cold but sunny for the moment. I love days like this when I can stay home and enjoy watching the snow fall or blow around. But I am at work for the moment, and at least I have a smile on my face. Later I am going to pick up my son from his oldest sister's house. We may go to a movie or just try and do something together. He is 13 so it can be hard to find things to do together that he likes. Tomorrow I am going to go to the Art museum and I will try and get Joey to go with me. I love looking at the old art and capture the thoughts and process that the artist were thinking about. From there maybe Joey and I will get some lunch, a place we have not visited before. I would love to go somewhere new and different. All this is planned depending on the weather. If it snows like crazy than we stay home, I do not like to drive in the snow. Well I am going to end this on a positive note. Smile it makes the day brighter. Does Anyone Care Laura

Life Goes On

I read today about a young boy 8 years old who saved 6 people in his family, went back into the fire(house was on fire) and died trying to save an Uncle who was handicap. I can not begin to say to myself how that boy was more than just a hero. He is an example of how we humans should be. I pray for more like him and less like some evil people we still have walking on this earth. It gives me pause to think about others and not of myself so much. I am depressed but when I think of someone who gives his life for others I feel worthless in the fact that I should not think of poor me so much but think of others more and do more. I need to get back into church and find myself and where I can do the most good. I am trying to keep ahead of this depression but there are times it sinks me to the bottom of the earth and getting back up it hard. My daughter is still in jail and it will be many months before the trail really begins. I pray she finds the help she needs and only God knows what really happens. I struggle to find answers for her and the families involved. I wonder where I lost her, was it all my fault, was there something I could have done more, and what is going to happen next. I look at my son and pray that I do not make the same mistakes and yet there are some things that I do need to change for the better for him but yet I don't have the inner strength I need. I have to do what is right but God I need help to do it, I can't do it on my own. I am fighting for my children and myself. I am not a good parent, I try to protect my son from his father as he is abusive verbally. I make no excused for him as he is really not meant to be a father but of course I did not know that before. I have plans and I am trying to make it work but it is not easy. I will do what is best for my son and that is to get a better life for him away from his father. He loves his father but does not like his father. His father is bi-polar and still this is no excuse for his hurtful words he yells at him or me. Life is not kind to me but I make the best out of it. I will make it even better for my son. Does Anyone Care? Laura