Christmas

It is hard to get into christmas this year. I feel as if we are losing the real reason we have christmas. It is not the presents but the time that is spent with family. Yes I want my kids to get nice things but those things can be bought anytime of the year if it truly needed. I want the old fashion christmas of the past. Decorating the house, wonderful smells of things being baked, hot cocca, taking walks in the snow, singing carols, and walking in small villages. Where did we lose all this? I have quite enough of the crazy ads, sales, and people acting as if they have no common sense. I still remember a pregnant lady dying when Cabbage patch kids first came out. People have lost what is important at any holiday time not just Christmas. Does anyone care? Laura

My job

I have been in my field for almost 20 years now. I work in the early childhood field. The last seven years I have worked for one company that until lately. Comments are made and gives you wonder if you are next to be let go. The work force it really bad for teachers/directors right now and not likely to get better. Am I next, I wonder and will find out on friday. If it is not me than it is another director of our company. I hate to see anyone let go with Christmas coming upon us right now and it would be really bad for me in the end as well. I am going to leave this post as it is. Does anyone care? Laura

Just another day

Today was just another day. I had a million things that I could have done and yet I could not bring myself to do anything other than washing some clothes. Snow was falling all day and it was peaceful. It was just me and my pug Mr. Wuggles all day. I read "Wives and Daughters" by Elizabeth Gaskell and flip through some TV. I thought about what I wanted to write here today and yet I could think of nothing of importance. I am not sure that is good or bad. I did wish I had someone to go out with today, shop a little and stop at starbucks. I also though how lovely it would be to have a simple cottage in England or Wales. Have my own garden and sit around drinking tea, enjoying the world around me. That is my dream and whether it happens or not I will always have that dream. It sounds lonely to some people but I am lonely here now so it does not matter much I think. Well I am going to make me a cup of tea and watch the snow right now dreaming of my cottage. Does anybody care? Laura

It is snowing

It is snowing for the first time since last winter. The snow is so beautiful. I sit here and watch it fall. Each snowflake is unique and that is how I feel right now. I am not sure it is in a good way being unique but I am different. I feel as if the snow is laying upon my soul right now and I want to twirl in the middle of it as it lays fresh and ready for the touch of it. Snow is an innocence person until something touches it and then it is just another part of us. I love how fresh and new it is, it cleans one soul and touches us in ways we have not known since our birth. It is as if God is cleancing our souls once again. I would love to have someone to talk to about the snow falling and what it will bring for us in the next few days. To share ideas and dreams of yesterday and tomorrow. There is only one chance we are given and no matter what you have to grab it with both hands before it is gone. I lost that chance years ago and now I sit here married but alone watching the snow fall once more. My dreams are just that, dreams and I am not so sure there is a tomorrow for me. I look, dream, and feel as if time is just floating away from me like the snowflakes falling down. Falling Falling down Silent are the sounds we hear Millions of tears kiss the ground given way to you covering your soul gently as a kiss it takes the pain and melts it away to where dreams go Falling Falling down upon you like a crown White and pure is your gown as you lay upon the ground Waiting just waiting Does anybody care? Laura

Dreams

Dreams are something we hold on too. They express our desires, hopes, wants and yes even needs. I dreams something last night that in my deepest darkest spot, I want a new life. The dream was somewhere in the country with horses and a country fair. There was a man and his family in it(brothers and sisters). I had someone that I thought was a friend but not sure, and of course I was trying to get this guy to understand it was him I wanted and none of the extras, if that makes since. There was more of course such as a twister in a thunderstorm and a weird guy thinking he was batman. ( I didn't eat anything before I went to bed!). What I think the dream means at least to me is finding the right guy and the chances I have lost in getting that guy. I have picked the wrong ones thinking they were the right ones but I know better know. I dream a lot and love dreaming, it shows me how things could have been and something what will come indirectly I think. Sometimes I wish I could do nothing but dream but I realize then I would be commited to a hosiptal if that happen. Don't get me wrong I love my children but wish I picked the right path in life and not the wrong one at times. It is Thanksgiving today, what are you thankful for today? What I think about it and all the death that happen the past two weeks, it is simple I am thankful for being here still. That God has given me life still and does not need me yet and hopefully not for a long time. Give thanks not for what you don't have or need but just being here still. Does anybody care? Laura

I am back I think

It has been a crazy time since I last wrote. So much as happened, life changes, people born and people dying. What amazes me is how people keep going without a pause, a look back, or just embracing the moment. Life is some how set on fast pace and we miss so much of it. In two days it will be Thanksgiving, will you pause to really count your blessings or just move through the dinner without really looking who is around you and who is not. Then comes the crazy time of shopping make sure everyone has what they want but not what they need. What is needed can't be bought in a store, wrapped up, or put under a tree. What is needed comes from the heart, a piece of your soul to give to the ones you love around you and ones you meet for the very first time. I want to pause and give thanks for everyone who has enter and exited my life in different ways both good and bad. Things happen for a reason and whether I learned from them or not, I still pause to take a look around me, stepping off the fast pace track for a few moments in time. Does anyone care? Laura