Life is bigger than me

For all my posts that I have written it has taken news about my father to make me realize that I need to stop and think about others. I think God has given me a shake up and has begun to set me on a different path in my life. My father may have thyroid cancer and will have surgery to find out for sure. The doctor is almost 100% sure but needs to take it out. It has made me stop and think about how the world is a much bigger place than just me. I have to really look around me and thank god for what I have and not worry about what I don't have. Yes I have to make changes but I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and get going. No one made me pick my choices and accept what I have or have not. I have to be happy within myself and make choices that are good ones. I have to focus on my father and enjoy what time he has left. He is not well with having a bad heart and enjoy more time with him. It is hard to think about my father not being there, yes I know we all have a time to go but when you think about your parents gone it is hard to do. This teaches me that time is not on my side and I need to make the best of what I do have. I have to plan things that will make memories for my children so when my time comes it will be with a smile and less tears for them. Life is too short to feel sorry for one's self but to enjoy what is around you and your family. Who knows we could get hit from outer space and we are all gone. Does anyone care?

When does it end

I should know better, in fact I do know better, and yet I still do the same stupid things over and over. I am great at give people advice on what they should and should not do but I rarely if not at all follow the same advice. I am not as strong as people think I am, I guess I am good at pretending and I hate the way my life is going because I know I could do better. I don't wish to be married in fact I really love the idea of once my son is on his own feet when he gets older, I have thought about entering the nunnery. The peace that fills my soul when I do go to church is calling to me strongly. I begin to think that is when I will find my true calling and peace my trouble soul has right now. But my first duty is to my son and help him until otherwise. My daughter is already on her own, she will be 25 this summer and my son just turned 12 so I have a ways to go. If only I could find some measure of peace. I hate being married and just everything seems to be going wrong. I know that are people who are experiencing worst things than what I am going through but I just want it to be a little less pressure and some ease in my life. I know I am complaining but I need to vent right now. I just have to take one day at a time and plan differently. Right now I have to find a new house to move into because the lady who owns the house(my husband's daugther-It is her mother-in-law) is cheap, a bitch, and just nasty. I can't live here anymore with her as my landlady. I am looking at other places but just thinking about the money, packing, unpacking, and moving is already streeing me out!!!! Enough complaining. I would love to take cooking classess. I would love to learn to bake different sweet items and cakes. Cooking gives me some pleasure and I would like to explore it more. I would love to learn how to paint as well. These areas give me some joy as I once explored it before. I am going to look to our local community for some classes and see what I can find. I would like to get my son into cooking classes as well something for us to do together. Well I think I said enough tonight hopefully next time will be a better day Does anyone care? Laura